Don't ask how I came up with this topic lets just say I was moved, but not in a good way, to think about what my family goes through. What are there responses & how this illness can also change their lives.I have to say this has been the hardest to go through, even harder then the pain & fatigue itself.
1st our significant others! Yikes so much to say..... Well they loose who they married... Then one of 2 things happen they leave you! SAD but true. He/she can't handle it & your on your own. If your lucky because this person loves you so, have morals, values & don't believe in checking out when the going gets rough. Ok Babe we r in this together! Yay for you & him/her! CRAP!!!! I say that because duh Thats not it there is the rest of your life or in my case I believe the rest if my existence. One minutes I'm a stay at home SUPER MOM, the next I'm in bed cuz I can't even get out of it & every night it's take-out, left overs, frozen meal or your husband is making Hamburger Helper for the 20th time. The cleaning is not done by you but by your husband but only on his days off because he worked 3 16 hour shifts that week.. Well nothing gets done. Then your trying to deal with each other both feeling helpless, both at times wanting to give up, both snapping at each other, etc. etc. etc! Right? Ok ok not always but sometimes.
Next our precious little people. The extension of ourselves. The best things we can contribute to this crazy world Our children! All I think please God don't let me screw them up. Lets face it this isn't a perfect world not a perfect person exists & we under the best circumstances, as parents, can only do our best. "I CAN'T" is all I seem to say to them a lot! I can't pick you up late please get a ride, I can't go to your game too much sun gives me migraines, I can't go on that school trip cuz I cramp up if I sit to long. Then there are the "Please can u". Please get me my meds, please rotate the laundry, please no friends over today cuz I have a migraine, please stir this cuz my hand & back r cramping etc, etc! They have to grow up so fast with a mom or dad like us... Good in some ways ...but bad because I'm suppose to be the one taking care of them. It hurts to hear your daughter's fear is she will loose u SOON!*tears* I hurts when your son's hopes everyday that this day u will be cured & never speak of pain again.
What-To-Do, What-To-Do? This goes for family member & sufferer!
Don't give up!
Try!
Thank Them!
Love them!
Love yourself!
Communicate(both of you)!
Listen!
There is always a bright side! No don't say no..Yes their is, there always is!
Wish but also Accept what is!
Ask for help!
Give!
Serve!
Rest!
Love, Love,Love, Love,Love, Love,!
Friday, October 5, 2012
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Physical Road Blocks
It seems no matter what I do. I am either loosing weight like crazy...for instance 2 years ago I lost 52 pounds. Now I am 5 feet tall that was a lot to loose I went the gym worked with a trainer and watch what I ate BUT the Fibro was kicking my butt the entire time. Needless to say I have gained all the weight back. I actually don't know what I weigh right now. I tried to continue the gym but like I said "kicked my butt" to the point that I went into the worse flair up ever. I obviously can't do that much. One doctor I saw said do something everyday even if its only 5 minutes....Well I'm never going to loose weight that way. Another says YOGA YOGA....BTW I love doing it warms up my muscles and isn't going to put in bed for the rest of the week but for loosing weight no can do.
Another thing to consider is the medications we are on. Some actually will allow us to loose weight but most(like anti-depressants/Fibro meds) side affect is weight gain. I have had one doctor tell me is either you live with being chunky or live with the pain, that it was my choice........REALLY that is no choice at all as far as I am concerned.
Sooo I do what I can when I can. I eat healthy and in moderation. Yes I need to start walking and doing Yoga again but with two hospitalizations and 5 consecutive infections that part was not possible but so far so good. I have been okee dokee. Lets hope it last so I can get back to what I like and what works. YES that is my advise to you DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! What works for you?
Another thing to consider is the medications we are on. Some actually will allow us to loose weight but most(like anti-depressants/Fibro meds) side affect is weight gain. I have had one doctor tell me is either you live with being chunky or live with the pain, that it was my choice........REALLY that is no choice at all as far as I am concerned.
Sooo I do what I can when I can. I eat healthy and in moderation. Yes I need to start walking and doing Yoga again but with two hospitalizations and 5 consecutive infections that part was not possible but so far so good. I have been okee dokee. Lets hope it last so I can get back to what I like and what works. YES that is my advise to you DO WHAT WORKS FOR YOU! What works for you?
Wednesday, September 26, 2012
I'm Back
Its been over 18 months since I last posted a blog. First apologies are in order. It's been a hard year. I think I stopped because I became occupied with life, as we all do. What happened Feb of last year my mom decided to serve a mission for our church. Long story short me along with a lot of other wonderful people were working hard to make that happen and in July she left for 18 months and will be returning in Jan. 2013.
Well in this last year both my children hit there teens. I've had the worse FLARE-UP'S. I got so bad this last year that I had to start using a cane to walk. I sure hit an all time low. I went to a local specialist(arthritis) no help there. Finally went to Stanford University pain clinic, they referred me to a local clinic to be a part of a group testing a trial drug. It said to cut pain by 60%. We shall see????????? Now just waiting to see my insurance will cover. I started to see a therapist(Shrink). That has helped me immensely. My family Doc. changed or upped my medications. Truthfully this has been my first full 5 days where I am in reasonably in good shape.
Well in this last year both my children hit there teens. I've had the worse FLARE-UP'S. I got so bad this last year that I had to start using a cane to walk. I sure hit an all time low. I went to a local specialist(arthritis) no help there. Finally went to Stanford University pain clinic, they referred me to a local clinic to be a part of a group testing a trial drug. It said to cut pain by 60%. We shall see????????? Now just waiting to see my insurance will cover. I started to see a therapist(Shrink). That has helped me immensely. My family Doc. changed or upped my medications. Truthfully this has been my first full 5 days where I am in reasonably in good shape.
Friday, March 18, 2011
Beating Myself
Oh this is a tough one to write. I have realized something that I have been doing to myself making my situation worse, making my suffering harder. What am I talking about......
Let me start at the beginning. I have always been my own worse critic, the one to beats myself up when I make a mistake or forget to do something. I think stupid stupid stupid. I should haves all day long. I don't make mistakes... I can't make mistakes! How unrealistic does that sound? VERY! I didn't even realize I was doing that and how crazy it all was to expect nothing but perfection. So................
When I began to have symptoms and all the things I used to do to be that Super Mom had to be put to the side. I began the beating. I had nothing but time to think. I would think I was inadequate. I was not good enough to be valued or loved because I wasn't doing my part. In a sense pulling my weight.
I have been stricken with something that can't be explained and continues to remind me of it's presence. I have made it worse the illness has been hitting me physically but I have been hitting myself psychotically and emotionally. This is not my fault. This is not a sin. I am not making a mistake. It just happened.
OK! IT IS OK! I AM OK! I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. It is time to reteach my mind. I am perfect the way I am. I do what I can...as much as I can & that is OK...that is down right fabulous. I will learn that the positive is the best medicine. The most important thing I will relearn is the love that my Lord Jesus Christ has for me....he WILL make up the rest.
Let me start at the beginning. I have always been my own worse critic, the one to beats myself up when I make a mistake or forget to do something. I think stupid stupid stupid. I should haves all day long. I don't make mistakes... I can't make mistakes! How unrealistic does that sound? VERY! I didn't even realize I was doing that and how crazy it all was to expect nothing but perfection. So................
When I began to have symptoms and all the things I used to do to be that Super Mom had to be put to the side. I began the beating. I had nothing but time to think. I would think I was inadequate. I was not good enough to be valued or loved because I wasn't doing my part. In a sense pulling my weight.
I have been stricken with something that can't be explained and continues to remind me of it's presence. I have made it worse the illness has been hitting me physically but I have been hitting myself psychotically and emotionally. This is not my fault. This is not a sin. I am not making a mistake. It just happened.
OK! IT IS OK! I AM OK! I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. It is time to reteach my mind. I am perfect the way I am. I do what I can...as much as I can & that is OK...that is down right fabulous. I will learn that the positive is the best medicine. The most important thing I will relearn is the love that my Lord Jesus Christ has for me....he WILL make up the rest.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Hidee Ho
Well it has been over a month 1/2 dealing with this and forgetting to share this with you. Like I have a lot of followers but hey....I don't think I want to continue this blog. I say this with a light headed head and with the unwillingness to stop. It doesn't matter how many followers I have It matters what I have to share. It helps me and the few that do follow me.
I have seen my doctor, gone through colds, infections, stomach flu's. Stress in home and my many different relationships. I found some new fibro herb caps at my local health food store called Joint Health. I have also started seeing a chiropractor and he has given me so many types of whole food herbal supplements for my different symptoms like fatigue, heart burn, anxiety, energy and sleep aids. I still take the Savella but my Dr. upped the dosage. I am also taking the Xanax and the Doc changed my Vicodine to Norco. In time I hope to cut back on the last two.. I literally have a box of meds and herbals. I had to buy a new pill organizer to fit all of it....but sometimes I still forget or take part of it and not the other cuz something distracts me and I thought I took it. Then I am wondering later what happened.
Guess what its working. Believe it or not but there is one thing. I developed a new symtoms dizziness, light-headed with a touch of Vertigo. So even though the pain and even the fatigue is better I am still bed ridden at time....OK most times because of this. The Doc thinks its allergies and I am getting inner ear fluid built up. She gave me predisone. Which doesn't really help. I am also having these terrible headache(Migraines) These are new but their frequency has increased.
So all the while life goes on. Kids get sick, house needs my attention, Hubby helps and I'm not appreciating that enough. I also have a calling(job) in my church working with the youth....This as well has become very demanding the computer calendars and flyer's is not my only duties and it seams more is being asked of me....Which I don't mind cuz I truly believe in serving my fellow man. I help myself and my self-esteem and its not not more than usual but I am feeling so very overwhelmed with it....I want to just quit but if I do that I would let my Young Women down....I truly love these girls and want nothing but to be with them but here I am with this feeling of feeling so completely and totally overwhelmed by all the activities I am not even in charge.... So here it comes the inevitable GUILT!!! The "I FEEL WORTHLESS CUZ I CAN'T DO 100%" thing. The " I AM A FAILURE"
Why do I do that. I don't know but I do! This world ask so much of us that we feel so inadequate and for us Fibro Suffers... we are failures. This is a tough world. Most don't believe us and so we are not just failure but lazy, crazy failures. LOL. That Sounds so silly and ridicules because I know I am not but just the fact that someone out there sees me that way makes it all go away and we focus on that one person who thinks the worse of us. I don't think it is not just Fibro suffers but all young girls especially all people who have experience some sort of abuse too. Boy I could go on and on. The question is what do we do about it. Well most just need a pep talk from friends, moms, dads or grandma but for us, Fibro suffers .....I'm sorry...I don't want to offend but we need professional help. I have decided that this is my next step. I need to find someone to help me deal. If you don't think that you need that or it would be a blow to our fight for recognition...I don't feel it would be. I know some of our opposers may say we are just a bunch of depressed people and we need to get over it. What I do know is what ever ignites this for us is not what matter but dealing with constant pain can mess with any ones head. We need to work through it.
I think most already might know this and I have known this but I have been fighting it. This I must give in and get my head straight. Here's to my next step. I pray I am led to the right person for me.
I have seen my doctor, gone through colds, infections, stomach flu's. Stress in home and my many different relationships. I found some new fibro herb caps at my local health food store called Joint Health. I have also started seeing a chiropractor and he has given me so many types of whole food herbal supplements for my different symptoms like fatigue, heart burn, anxiety, energy and sleep aids. I still take the Savella but my Dr. upped the dosage. I am also taking the Xanax and the Doc changed my Vicodine to Norco. In time I hope to cut back on the last two.. I literally have a box of meds and herbals. I had to buy a new pill organizer to fit all of it....but sometimes I still forget or take part of it and not the other cuz something distracts me and I thought I took it. Then I am wondering later what happened.
Guess what its working. Believe it or not but there is one thing. I developed a new symtoms dizziness, light-headed with a touch of Vertigo. So even though the pain and even the fatigue is better I am still bed ridden at time....OK most times because of this. The Doc thinks its allergies and I am getting inner ear fluid built up. She gave me predisone. Which doesn't really help. I am also having these terrible headache(Migraines) These are new but their frequency has increased.
So all the while life goes on. Kids get sick, house needs my attention, Hubby helps and I'm not appreciating that enough. I also have a calling(job) in my church working with the youth....This as well has become very demanding the computer calendars and flyer's is not my only duties and it seams more is being asked of me....Which I don't mind cuz I truly believe in serving my fellow man. I help myself and my self-esteem and its not not more than usual but I am feeling so very overwhelmed with it....I want to just quit but if I do that I would let my Young Women down....I truly love these girls and want nothing but to be with them but here I am with this feeling of feeling so completely and totally overwhelmed by all the activities I am not even in charge.... So here it comes the inevitable GUILT!!! The "I FEEL WORTHLESS CUZ I CAN'T DO 100%" thing. The " I AM A FAILURE"
Why do I do that. I don't know but I do! This world ask so much of us that we feel so inadequate and for us Fibro Suffers... we are failures. This is a tough world. Most don't believe us and so we are not just failure but lazy, crazy failures. LOL. That Sounds so silly and ridicules because I know I am not but just the fact that someone out there sees me that way makes it all go away and we focus on that one person who thinks the worse of us. I don't think it is not just Fibro suffers but all young girls especially all people who have experience some sort of abuse too. Boy I could go on and on. The question is what do we do about it. Well most just need a pep talk from friends, moms, dads or grandma but for us, Fibro suffers .....I'm sorry...I don't want to offend but we need professional help. I have decided that this is my next step. I need to find someone to help me deal. If you don't think that you need that or it would be a blow to our fight for recognition...I don't feel it would be. I know some of our opposers may say we are just a bunch of depressed people and we need to get over it. What I do know is what ever ignites this for us is not what matter but dealing with constant pain can mess with any ones head. We need to work through it.
I think most already might know this and I have known this but I have been fighting it. This I must give in and get my head straight. Here's to my next step. I pray I am led to the right person for me.
Friday, December 31, 2010
I special thought from a fellow sufferer
Your face is burned n my mind... Ur deep voice plays over n my ear... How badly I wished I was n ur arms... With my head resting on ur chest to hear ur heart beat... Holding hands n dancing to music we humm together... Your my Teddybear n no matter if we end up together or not....
I found this to be touching and a wonderful source of comfort. Beverly I hope you don't mind sharing your beautiful thought.
Thursday, December 30, 2010
Monday, December 27, 2010
My battle today
I have been loosing weight. This is all due to a new med called Savella and diet and exercising.(which I found helps) I have lost 50 lbs. Yes I am not ashamed to say I was a 5ft woman who was 215 lbs. I am now 165 and have 30 to go to be at a healthy weight. Well with my heart scare and coming down of meds the gym was not going to happen, not right away at least and Christmas...Well sure a couple pounds crept in. So I got up this morning waited for meds to kick in and went to the gym. I did some weights and walked on the treadmill with an 3incline at 2mph. My heart rate stayed at a good level. The doc said keep in the 130's to 135 range which I did. I felt great stretching those little legs of mine. I got home little fleggles but none to be worried about and with this surge of energy I cleaned my bathroom and got the kids doing there chores...if they hoped to see the light of day.
Here is where I might have regretted it. I take a shower and pain comes in like a tsunami. Where is the icy-hot, heating pad and my bed. Luckily my husband took kids to see a movie and shopping. so I got a nap in. So I feel well rested but the pain will not cease. I think I tried and epically failed...,this is my negative side but...by positive side says at least you got into that gym and that bathroom will no longer gross you out. I'm going back tomorrow and the next and the next I have too. I want to get healthy again. You know I used to care what my body looked like but after 2 kids scores of surgeries. The positive thing to do is not look at that but work on my inside. My self esteem and self worth....I need to ask myself how do I look in those areas. Lately not so good. I've made mistakes and am paying for them but I know if I try things will work out..
My fellow sufferers lets not give up. We can't let this take our lives over even though it has in a lot of ways but lets grab a hold of what we can and run with it. Try Try Try is all I ask and If you are a spiritual person...It is all your Heavenly Father asks of you. Keep your faith alive if not with a higher authority but keep Faith in yourself.
Here is where I might have regretted it. I take a shower and pain comes in like a tsunami. Where is the icy-hot, heating pad and my bed. Luckily my husband took kids to see a movie and shopping. so I got a nap in. So I feel well rested but the pain will not cease. I think I tried and epically failed...,this is my negative side but...by positive side says at least you got into that gym and that bathroom will no longer gross you out. I'm going back tomorrow and the next and the next I have too. I want to get healthy again. You know I used to care what my body looked like but after 2 kids scores of surgeries. The positive thing to do is not look at that but work on my inside. My self esteem and self worth....I need to ask myself how do I look in those areas. Lately not so good. I've made mistakes and am paying for them but I know if I try things will work out..
My fellow sufferers lets not give up. We can't let this take our lives over even though it has in a lot of ways but lets grab a hold of what we can and run with it. Try Try Try is all I ask and If you are a spiritual person...It is all your Heavenly Father asks of you. Keep your faith alive if not with a higher authority but keep Faith in yourself.
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Mon Feels Fleggle-Hammer: Hello
Mon Feels Fleggle-Hammer: Hello: "Just that Hello. Hello to my fellow sufferers. How are you all? I wonder if those that follow me want to voice there stories. I encourage to..."
Hello
Just that Hello. Hello to my fellow sufferers. How are you all? I wonder if those that follow me want to voice there stories. I encourage to share this site with sufferers you know. I feel like it is at a stand still. Lets revive it. We need all the support we can get!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
Wednesday, December 15, 2010
R We Crazy
Yes absolutely bonkers. No just kidding. The question is do we feel crazy every moment of everyday. We are giving a variety of pain meds, anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, or some experimental fibro pill. Sure they help but not completely and not without side effects. Do we have a choice to take them or not. Most of us don't some can handle it with a herbal avenue or some of us do a little a both we all need different amounts and needs. I haven't met one of us that are exactly the same. This tells me that doctors are clueless and throwing darts just trying to hit the target. We adjust and re-adjust and all the while our body reacts. Recently I went through a scare.
As you know I took a semi herbal approach and it had been working/helping but unfortunately I didn't plan for my immune system to go down. So first a got a cold then I got a stomach flu. This stomach flu ended me up in the E.R. passing out from dehydration. The doctors also notice a high heart rate. Well long story short my heart is fine but I was definitely being over medicated and 2 of my meds had serotonin in them which raised my heart rate. So Doctor decided I need to reduce one of them. I had too because in the long run I would really cause damage to my body. The avenue we took was reducing the anti-depressant and not the new fibro med. At first no noticeable changes. That's were you get tricked. I thought I can handle this but slowly but surely I was slipping into a sense of loneliness and in a way I had a reason too but my reaction which came to a head today, I had no reason for. I blew up at a friend then proceeded to blow up at my husband saying things I know I shouldn't have said insensitive things while being in a very sensitive situation My poor husband didn't know how to take it. I didn't know how to take it. So I prayed for clarity and realized the doctor told me that my body and emotions would react to the change but it was for the better. I wanted to get back to the gym. The "A Ha" moment today. My xanax had some delays mix ups with Dr.'s office and pharmacy(sound familiar to anybody) so with out me realizing it I had not taken 2 doses. So of course I blow up. The messes this illness creates to us and our poor family and friends. It's no wonder we feel crazy a lot of the time.
So the answer is sure we are crazy but only the sane think they are insane. the insane have no clue that they truly r crazy.
As you know I took a semi herbal approach and it had been working/helping but unfortunately I didn't plan for my immune system to go down. So first a got a cold then I got a stomach flu. This stomach flu ended me up in the E.R. passing out from dehydration. The doctors also notice a high heart rate. Well long story short my heart is fine but I was definitely being over medicated and 2 of my meds had serotonin in them which raised my heart rate. So Doctor decided I need to reduce one of them. I had too because in the long run I would really cause damage to my body. The avenue we took was reducing the anti-depressant and not the new fibro med. At first no noticeable changes. That's were you get tricked. I thought I can handle this but slowly but surely I was slipping into a sense of loneliness and in a way I had a reason too but my reaction which came to a head today, I had no reason for. I blew up at a friend then proceeded to blow up at my husband saying things I know I shouldn't have said insensitive things while being in a very sensitive situation My poor husband didn't know how to take it. I didn't know how to take it. So I prayed for clarity and realized the doctor told me that my body and emotions would react to the change but it was for the better. I wanted to get back to the gym. The "A Ha" moment today. My xanax had some delays mix ups with Dr.'s office and pharmacy(sound familiar to anybody) so with out me realizing it I had not taken 2 doses. So of course I blow up. The messes this illness creates to us and our poor family and friends. It's no wonder we feel crazy a lot of the time.
So the answer is sure we are crazy but only the sane think they are insane. the insane have no clue that they truly r crazy.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Talk and laughing
Talking and Laughing could be the remedy for u. I know it is for me. I sat and had a wonderful conversation with with another fibro sufferer. She was going through a moment of relentlence pain. We chatted, made fun of our "decease" and got to know each other. I was wonderful she got her mind of the pain alittle. I just had a blast talking and sharings.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Meds Day 3&4
Well I had a cold. I thought it was going to be a duzy but I'm good today. I remember turmeric was said to have healing properties in high doses, you know like a antibiotic. I guess that has turned out to be true. Between that and the cough syrup with codeine my husband got when he was sick, Well here I am, good as new. The pain is not as intense. I used to take 4 vidodine in a 24 hour period, every 6 hour. I would be watching the clock. The pain would start to show up around 4 hours and I would have to endure until hour 6 came along. Now I am only taking 3 a day and hopefully will continue to taper off every week.
So did my experiment work?????? Yes and NO. I'm not as tired and pain is less with the turmeric and I found out that the St. Johns Wart wasn't going to be enough so I went back. It's OK. I think over all I just wanted the pain to lesson and a little more energy. So its working out well. So far. Well I just wanted to give everyone an update.
So did my experiment work?????? Yes and NO. I'm not as tired and pain is less with the turmeric and I found out that the St. Johns Wart wasn't going to be enough so I went back. It's OK. I think over all I just wanted the pain to lesson and a little more energy. So its working out well. So far. Well I just wanted to give everyone an update.
Thursday, November 18, 2010
meds herbal days 1-2
I caught a cold and not feeling that great. Last night I had so much body ache that I wan't sure if it was the fibro or the cold. So I stopped the St. Johns Wart and started on the prozac and xanax again. I continued the Tumeric. I think it is working great and I am started to wean off the vicodine. I get an occasional pain but it goes and come fast and doesn't linger like before and become this ache that eminates. Tumeric seams to be a success so far. I going to relent and say that St. John Wart works for mild cases but I'm not a mild case ....sooo I have to admit I need these for now. I going to continue the B12, crannberry, Savella, Tumeric, melatonin and vicodin until I can wean off. I actual feel good given I have this cold but a cold I can handle "No Problem"
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
Meds-Trying Herbal
Ok so I had a pretty bad week. I thought will I every have relief....will I every have a moment of peace in my body. As I take the medications I take ....I thought they are not even working....why am even taking them and I started thinking what else can I try. I thought of different suggestions I had been given through the years and the only thing that came to me to do is going Herbal. I must say at the same time I thought "ya right...herbs so not going to work". I also remembered growing up, my parents went herbal all the time...So why not.
I looked on the Internet and looked and looked and looked again. I don't know what I'm doing but hey than again neither do the doctors.LOL! Ok realistically I can't just stop taking my meds. Ok what is working?? What is not working or can do without??
I take "Savella" this is specific for fibro treatment and yes it has been working. Ok not ashamed but I take Prozac...its hard to have this and not get depressed. I also take Xanax because of sleepless nights but this ones known to be habit forming. Last but not least Vicodine because hey the pain its 24 /7, but then doesn't always work.
Keeping the Savella, researched that St. Johns Wart is a anti-depressant. I've taken it before when it was that time of the month came along and it worked great so why not now. Prozac out! Melatonin (natural Sleep Aid) so xanax out I've weaned of that. Last "Turmeric" according to all I've read its been found to help with immune health specifically the brain and since we have been told that fibro may be triggered by the brains misperception of pain and movement in the body...I looked further and found that is some cases has been used to help people suffering from fibro with there pain management. So started to wean off of Vicodine and taking this.
Am I crazy..... Maybe????!!!! What do you think! Have you tried going herbal. Am I just setting myself up to run myself into a wall???? Don't Know! What I do know is what I'm doing now is not working. I'm either in pain cause that day they decided not to work or I'm out of it(Drowsy) because all the meds worked but all have the side effects of drowsiness.
I've gotta try to get myself back. I might fail, but then again I might not. I do know I will never give up. This is only day 1. Stay tuned for updates on how its going.
I looked on the Internet and looked and looked and looked again. I don't know what I'm doing but hey than again neither do the doctors.LOL! Ok realistically I can't just stop taking my meds. Ok what is working?? What is not working or can do without??
I take "Savella" this is specific for fibro treatment and yes it has been working. Ok not ashamed but I take Prozac...its hard to have this and not get depressed. I also take Xanax because of sleepless nights but this ones known to be habit forming. Last but not least Vicodine because hey the pain its 24 /7, but then doesn't always work.
Keeping the Savella, researched that St. Johns Wart is a anti-depressant. I've taken it before when it was that time of the month came along and it worked great so why not now. Prozac out! Melatonin (natural Sleep Aid) so xanax out I've weaned of that. Last "Turmeric" according to all I've read its been found to help with immune health specifically the brain and since we have been told that fibro may be triggered by the brains misperception of pain and movement in the body...I looked further and found that is some cases has been used to help people suffering from fibro with there pain management. So started to wean off of Vicodine and taking this.
Am I crazy..... Maybe????!!!! What do you think! Have you tried going herbal. Am I just setting myself up to run myself into a wall???? Don't Know! What I do know is what I'm doing now is not working. I'm either in pain cause that day they decided not to work or I'm out of it(Drowsy) because all the meds worked but all have the side effects of drowsiness.
I've gotta try to get myself back. I might fail, but then again I might not. I do know I will never give up. This is only day 1. Stay tuned for updates on how its going.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Trying..Why?
Trying when I probably shouldn't have. That is what I have been doing for the past 2 weeks. Halloween and everything that comes with that, getting some time to myself and getting to some of my housework. Well I'm paying for it now. I even flacked on my calling in church was suppose to help with a special event .....well I didn't even do an 1/8 of what I should have done. There is guilt with that because I left it all for my friend to do, but I showed up.
Day 3 full of fleggle-hammer. Not only that but my husband is very sick, strep throat and possibly bronchitis. Today I woke up to my ears hurting and a sore throat. I think "What was I thinking. " I knew this would happen but yet again I was wishing it wouldn't. I thought maybe not this time. I can do it ALL and be ok after. I can't stop living my life put it on hold for myself or my family. Well here I am and it's on hold. My kids are older so they kinda have a life now or can easily take care of themselves. My son is gone at a boy scouting event and my daughter is here but she is ten she reads, watches tv, gets her own food, and can play games. She hasn't bothered me one bit. My husband snoring next to me and I envy him. He is having a moment of rest. My son is having a good time, he will be going to a friends house after words and my girl she never complains and is perfectly content, she is a home body.
I just don't want to be in pain. I want to take this time and play a game with my daughter ...I want to tend to my husband better but I can't....even finish the laundry but I can't. My whole left side is on fire. I'm so tired........
Yes this is a bad day. Regret I have but as I think about how can I regret the good time my kids have had. The little housework that got done. The time I took to visit a friend along with my getaway. I can not regret any of that. I am thankful for it.
I want to say that this pain is my punishment but I did nothing wrong so that can't be right. All I did was try ....I try everyday to do the best, the most with what I have to deal with........ I'm just don't know how long I can keep going like this...
God is my stength he will when I have no more to give I have to believe that. He is all I have. Faith is a powerful thing. Just when I have no more he will help me to find that little more.
So why try. well for me its my God and my family .....Whats yours?
Day 3 full of fleggle-hammer. Not only that but my husband is very sick, strep throat and possibly bronchitis. Today I woke up to my ears hurting and a sore throat. I think "What was I thinking. " I knew this would happen but yet again I was wishing it wouldn't. I thought maybe not this time. I can do it ALL and be ok after. I can't stop living my life put it on hold for myself or my family. Well here I am and it's on hold. My kids are older so they kinda have a life now or can easily take care of themselves. My son is gone at a boy scouting event and my daughter is here but she is ten she reads, watches tv, gets her own food, and can play games. She hasn't bothered me one bit. My husband snoring next to me and I envy him. He is having a moment of rest. My son is having a good time, he will be going to a friends house after words and my girl she never complains and is perfectly content, she is a home body.
I just don't want to be in pain. I want to take this time and play a game with my daughter ...I want to tend to my husband better but I can't....even finish the laundry but I can't. My whole left side is on fire. I'm so tired........
Yes this is a bad day. Regret I have but as I think about how can I regret the good time my kids have had. The little housework that got done. The time I took to visit a friend along with my getaway. I can not regret any of that. I am thankful for it.
I want to say that this pain is my punishment but I did nothing wrong so that can't be right. All I did was try ....I try everyday to do the best, the most with what I have to deal with........ I'm just don't know how long I can keep going like this...
God is my stength he will when I have no more to give I have to believe that. He is all I have. Faith is a powerful thing. Just when I have no more he will help me to find that little more.
So why try. well for me its my God and my family .....Whats yours?
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Funny Story
I can't believe what happen to me today. Doing the usually when my husband turns around and ask if I can get him a cough drop. He is sick. He's aloud. I actually don't mind taking care of him. So I move all my plans aside think what we are out of and what we need to make him better. I realized I have all these other errands to run as well cause I paid the bills yesterday and need to deliver or drop off some of them. Ok my work out at the gym is out. Then my husband says we need to go grocery shopping. Ok trying to make some cards is out. Oh my son hurt his knee yesterday. I need to delivery an icey hot sleeve to him at school before wrestling practice. Ok I wanted to try out drawing. (I found out how much I enjoyed face painting at the church event so thought...This might be a relaxing hobby ).....well thats out. Now mind you none of these things were important in the least so I was just bumbed about it. I get ready as if I am going to the gym hoping that after I am done maybe I can still at least go to the gym after. I write my list out and off I go, drop kids off, market, bank, wal-mart, pay a few bills and go refill our water jugs(the place was closed) standing and waiting for 10 minutes outside hoping they would show up but they didn't. So ditch water go home. I have melting things in my truck.
Ok here is the funny part. I go in to give my hubby some meds for his cold and he is going to work. He never misses. He would have to be dying to miss work anyways....... so ok I figured that. We talk for a bit then I get up to pick up in the bedroom. Joe stops me and starts laughing and says "um turn around, I say what do want to check out my nice butt, he says no but(pause as he looks at me)....he says I hate to tell you this but your pants are inside out!" YES people I went all over this city with my pants inside out tag showing and everything. Here the kicker usually I would have been dramatized. Thinking to know end who could have seen me or who could have been laughing behind my back.
BUT....I didn't care I laughed and fixed them.
I thought why didn't I care and the answer is that although very funny but in comparison to the pain I endure on a daily bases was just that FUNNY and not worth getting upset over. Boy have I changed. I sit here. I didn't go to the gym because just did too much...actually I have been doing to much all week. Yesterday I had the worst day of pain and fatigue that I have had in a long long time. Today thanks to myself for saying enough and not going to my meeting and mutual last night and opted to lay down and relax. I was able to run my errand and take care of my husband. That is all that matter.
Although I think whats next no pants at all....ok ok maybe not but I wonder some time...after so many meds for so many years will it is start to affect my mental status. LOL. I doubt it !!!
Ok here is the funny part. I go in to give my hubby some meds for his cold and he is going to work. He never misses. He would have to be dying to miss work anyways....... so ok I figured that. We talk for a bit then I get up to pick up in the bedroom. Joe stops me and starts laughing and says "um turn around, I say what do want to check out my nice butt, he says no but(pause as he looks at me)....he says I hate to tell you this but your pants are inside out!" YES people I went all over this city with my pants inside out tag showing and everything. Here the kicker usually I would have been dramatized. Thinking to know end who could have seen me or who could have been laughing behind my back.
BUT....I didn't care I laughed and fixed them.
I thought why didn't I care and the answer is that although very funny but in comparison to the pain I endure on a daily bases was just that FUNNY and not worth getting upset over. Boy have I changed. I sit here. I didn't go to the gym because just did too much...actually I have been doing to much all week. Yesterday I had the worst day of pain and fatigue that I have had in a long long time. Today thanks to myself for saying enough and not going to my meeting and mutual last night and opted to lay down and relax. I was able to run my errand and take care of my husband. That is all that matter.
Although I think whats next no pants at all....ok ok maybe not but I wonder some time...after so many meds for so many years will it is start to affect my mental status. LOL. I doubt it !!!
Monday, November 1, 2010
NO MATTER....LIFE GOES ON
I have been contemplating what my next topic would be about and it finally came to me."No Matter... Life Goes" as we went through the many events for Halloween. I realized I couldn't stop it. I wanted too. I did, in all honesty because I knew I would end up in bed all day like I am today. Flegger-hammer never really going away and napping my day away, mean while my kids went to school, did their homework, and are now eating candy before dinner. Sure a normal day after Halloween. Life continues my participation isn't always there. They have dad home today though. He picked them up he is "kinda" making sure they are doing what they are suppose to be doing but not like I would. I can't complain though... I really don't have any choice right now. Even typing this new post hurts right now. Yesterday I couldn't even sit through church completely because the pain was so intense then I and Sippy our YW prez, we went to visit the girls that don't show up on Sundays. We wanted to make sure they new we were still thinking of them and we care. It's true. I never thought serving in my church & people around me could be so rewarding. Sippy new I was in pain but I assured her that no matter where I would be, whether I was home or in a car with her. Just seeing these girls made it worth it. Life goes on. I spend the morning sleeping but I wasn't alone I was with my husband we spent the morning snuggled and peacefully sleeping. When we awoke and he new I didn't feel well today he already new it was all him. Life wasn't going to stop just for me. Oh and Saturday I got a call from our visiting teacher coordinator. She finds out if we visited our assigned women and wants to know how these women are doing.......Well I didn't do it........& I haven't for oooohhhhh 3 to 4 months. I understand that this is important and it's God's will it is on my priority list except I never get to it. I became irritated with this person and I told her so. She had no idea why...she said at one point if I just had a little more faith.....Well that was it .... cause if anything else that is all I have. It's what keeps me going. I have had more faith and love for my Lord now than I have in my whole life so for her to say if I just had a little more, upset me. Long story short she apologized, I realized I had to tell her what going on with me and so she is recommending that I not have this calling right now. Life goes on. These women need to be able to depend on me but I just can't right now, it is tooo much. Soo I agreed take me off and assign them to another person. Their lives go on.
I am figuring this out....OK sure I know this, the sun comes up, the day turns to night, people live, people die, people are capable of so much love but yet capable of horrible horrific things. People also believe us and there are people that also don't. Some people's lives are blessed again and again but some suffer tragedy at every turn. This world is not perfect wasn't meant to be. We must be tempted , tested , grow, make mistakes and succeed. It's why we are here. What are we made of? What are you made of? What am I made of? All the while lives and the days continue.
Soo, can I stop the holidays from coming, stop the traditions we are accustomed too. Can i stop my kids from growing up, activities and dreams. All because it means more for me to do and means a sure fire day in bed from time to time. NOO! Life goes on. My kids need it. I need it. Otherwise I will shrivel up in this bed. Yes it's worth the occasional days in bed. It may always be this way or it may not. Dr's may figure this out and it will be a distant memory.
I am guilty of having so many regrets...of being so hard on myself for those days in pain or when I make mistakes. I hear my family, my friends say don't worry it's OK but I still feel bad. I know I'm to hard on myself. I know this is beyond my control but most importantly I am realizing something that everything happens for a reason. This will be what tests me. I will be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend and person because of this. I can already feel it. I have people mentioning the difference in me. SO MY LIFE GOES ON! It may not be like most but it's whats right for me and my awesome family. Do I want to be "normal". I say naaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! Life is more interesting this way.
This may be new for some of you readers or something you done and gone through but I encourage all to find your niche, use your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Why do I say encourage this, yes you guessed it, NO MATTER...LIFE GOES ON!
I am figuring this out....OK sure I know this, the sun comes up, the day turns to night, people live, people die, people are capable of so much love but yet capable of horrible horrific things. People also believe us and there are people that also don't. Some people's lives are blessed again and again but some suffer tragedy at every turn. This world is not perfect wasn't meant to be. We must be tempted , tested , grow, make mistakes and succeed. It's why we are here. What are we made of? What are you made of? What am I made of? All the while lives and the days continue.
Soo, can I stop the holidays from coming, stop the traditions we are accustomed too. Can i stop my kids from growing up, activities and dreams. All because it means more for me to do and means a sure fire day in bed from time to time. NOO! Life goes on. My kids need it. I need it. Otherwise I will shrivel up in this bed. Yes it's worth the occasional days in bed. It may always be this way or it may not. Dr's may figure this out and it will be a distant memory.
I am guilty of having so many regrets...of being so hard on myself for those days in pain or when I make mistakes. I hear my family, my friends say don't worry it's OK but I still feel bad. I know I'm to hard on myself. I know this is beyond my control but most importantly I am realizing something that everything happens for a reason. This will be what tests me. I will be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend and person because of this. I can already feel it. I have people mentioning the difference in me. SO MY LIFE GOES ON! It may not be like most but it's whats right for me and my awesome family. Do I want to be "normal". I say naaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! Life is more interesting this way.
This may be new for some of you readers or something you done and gone through but I encourage all to find your niche, use your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Why do I say encourage this, yes you guessed it, NO MATTER...LIFE GOES ON!
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sick & Tired of being Sick & Tired
This blog inspired by a friend on facebook, Dianne! She mentioned how she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Boy, I thought how many times have I thought that, said that, felt that. Well.....every minute of every day.
Just yesterday, my family and I arrived home after a few days in Pismo Beach, CA. It was the best time we had as a family in a long time, we played board games, went to the movies(it was raining the 1st day). We went to the hotel pool, went on walks to on the beach, did some shopping, walked on the pier and of course bought some salt water taffy & ate claim chowder plus fish and chips. It was great. We even found a swing set on the beach and yes I was swinging with my kids. It was so much fun. It was freeing I felt young and full of life in that precious moment with my kids.
It used to be it and the days would continue the same. You know having fun but it didn't for me. by the time we returned back to the hotel the second day...I was exhausted. I was in flegger-hammer mode and I couldn't stop shaking. My kids even got scared and worried for me. Oh here we go, I ruined a perfectly good day. I took a shower and layed down. Well before I knew it I was out(cause of the meds) I thought take a nap then go back for dinner and yogurt with my family but when my husband got me up. I couldn't get up. The pain had dulled but my energy was gone. OK here comes the guilt. They went without me and the next day although still a little off I willed myself to get up and go on that last walk on the beach with my family before we left. I even drove us home half the way back but as soon as my husband took over I slept till we arrive home. I went to pick up my baby dog sissy from my sisters place and sat on the recliner. I didn't last one minute before I was out. Besides the occasional awake moments I had. I slept and at some point got up and went to bed with out saying a word to my family.
Guilt City Baby. Here I am up 3 in the am and thinking how I have ruined things. There was a moment yesterday where I was standing in the hotel looking at the floor and we packed to leave. My husband came up to me and hugged me and said thank you. I SAY for what I ruined everything. He asked how I did that. well I said by not joining you for dinner and the evening walk we had planned. He says " look you are here, me and the kids know you did alot and we are grateful for that. You smiled the entire time and to be together as a family was the most important thing. I say we had the best vacation and it was perfect".
My husband is my rock. I know that my Heavenly Father sent me this man for a reason. Most would have walked away. Believe it or not .....some people just can't handle the extra load. He works all day long yet comes home and helps we when he can. I think do I deserve this guy? He so deserves better. but he is always quick to say there is no one better than you for me. I know awesome right to have such a person in my life is a total blessing.
I know for all of us suffering. This may not be the case. I consider my self one of the lucky ones, that has the support of my family. I think If this kindness and love doesn't come from your significant other than go out and find it. Demand it from this person you share your life with. It shouldn't be that hard for the other person to do for you. My husband didn't come to me wrapped up in a pretty bow this way. I had to help him to see what was happening with me. It took him caring for his mother, who died of lung cancer, to realize the compassion and love he had within himself to give.
We sure didn't ask for this to happen to us and if we could we would just shut it off, but we can't so do we sit and wallow or to we adapt and move forward. I encourage all to adapt and move forward. Yes we will feel guilt, despair and that longing for relief....days will be there that we lay there in despair. Well its what we do with it that matters. Get that family support you know you need. Demand it. I had too.
I'll tell you why we need it for those days(sick & tired of being sick & tired). It OK we don't have to go at it alone. We can even get it from our fellow suffers but get it some where. It will make a deference trust me.
Just yesterday, my family and I arrived home after a few days in Pismo Beach, CA. It was the best time we had as a family in a long time, we played board games, went to the movies(it was raining the 1st day). We went to the hotel pool, went on walks to on the beach, did some shopping, walked on the pier and of course bought some salt water taffy & ate claim chowder plus fish and chips. It was great. We even found a swing set on the beach and yes I was swinging with my kids. It was so much fun. It was freeing I felt young and full of life in that precious moment with my kids.
It used to be it and the days would continue the same. You know having fun but it didn't for me. by the time we returned back to the hotel the second day...I was exhausted. I was in flegger-hammer mode and I couldn't stop shaking. My kids even got scared and worried for me. Oh here we go, I ruined a perfectly good day. I took a shower and layed down. Well before I knew it I was out(cause of the meds) I thought take a nap then go back for dinner and yogurt with my family but when my husband got me up. I couldn't get up. The pain had dulled but my energy was gone. OK here comes the guilt. They went without me and the next day although still a little off I willed myself to get up and go on that last walk on the beach with my family before we left. I even drove us home half the way back but as soon as my husband took over I slept till we arrive home. I went to pick up my baby dog sissy from my sisters place and sat on the recliner. I didn't last one minute before I was out. Besides the occasional awake moments I had. I slept and at some point got up and went to bed with out saying a word to my family.
Guilt City Baby. Here I am up 3 in the am and thinking how I have ruined things. There was a moment yesterday where I was standing in the hotel looking at the floor and we packed to leave. My husband came up to me and hugged me and said thank you. I SAY for what I ruined everything. He asked how I did that. well I said by not joining you for dinner and the evening walk we had planned. He says " look you are here, me and the kids know you did alot and we are grateful for that. You smiled the entire time and to be together as a family was the most important thing. I say we had the best vacation and it was perfect".
My husband is my rock. I know that my Heavenly Father sent me this man for a reason. Most would have walked away. Believe it or not .....some people just can't handle the extra load. He works all day long yet comes home and helps we when he can. I think do I deserve this guy? He so deserves better. but he is always quick to say there is no one better than you for me. I know awesome right to have such a person in my life is a total blessing.
I know for all of us suffering. This may not be the case. I consider my self one of the lucky ones, that has the support of my family. I think If this kindness and love doesn't come from your significant other than go out and find it. Demand it from this person you share your life with. It shouldn't be that hard for the other person to do for you. My husband didn't come to me wrapped up in a pretty bow this way. I had to help him to see what was happening with me. It took him caring for his mother, who died of lung cancer, to realize the compassion and love he had within himself to give.
We sure didn't ask for this to happen to us and if we could we would just shut it off, but we can't so do we sit and wallow or to we adapt and move forward. I encourage all to adapt and move forward. Yes we will feel guilt, despair and that longing for relief....days will be there that we lay there in despair. Well its what we do with it that matters. Get that family support you know you need. Demand it. I had too.
I'll tell you why we need it for those days(sick & tired of being sick & tired). It OK we don't have to go at it alone. We can even get it from our fellow suffers but get it some where. It will make a deference trust me.
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