Well it has been over a month 1/2 dealing with this and forgetting to share this with you. Like I have a lot of followers but hey....I don't think I want to continue this blog. I say this with a light headed head and with the unwillingness to stop. It doesn't matter how many followers I have It matters what I have to share. It helps me and the few that do follow me.
I have seen my doctor, gone through colds, infections, stomach flu's. Stress in home and my many different relationships. I found some new fibro herb caps at my local health food store called Joint Health. I have also started seeing a chiropractor and he has given me so many types of whole food herbal supplements for my different symptoms like fatigue, heart burn, anxiety, energy and sleep aids. I still take the Savella but my Dr. upped the dosage. I am also taking the Xanax and the Doc changed my Vicodine to Norco. In time I hope to cut back on the last two.. I literally have a box of meds and herbals. I had to buy a new pill organizer to fit all of it....but sometimes I still forget or take part of it and not the other cuz something distracts me and I thought I took it. Then I am wondering later what happened.
Guess what its working. Believe it or not but there is one thing. I developed a new symtoms dizziness, light-headed with a touch of Vertigo. So even though the pain and even the fatigue is better I am still bed ridden at time....OK most times because of this. The Doc thinks its allergies and I am getting inner ear fluid built up. She gave me predisone. Which doesn't really help. I am also having these terrible headache(Migraines) These are new but their frequency has increased.
So all the while life goes on. Kids get sick, house needs my attention, Hubby helps and I'm not appreciating that enough. I also have a calling(job) in my church working with the youth....This as well has become very demanding the computer calendars and flyer's is not my only duties and it seams more is being asked of me....Which I don't mind cuz I truly believe in serving my fellow man. I help myself and my self-esteem and its not not more than usual but I am feeling so very overwhelmed with it....I want to just quit but if I do that I would let my Young Women down....I truly love these girls and want nothing but to be with them but here I am with this feeling of feeling so completely and totally overwhelmed by all the activities I am not even in charge.... So here it comes the inevitable GUILT!!! The "I FEEL WORTHLESS CUZ I CAN'T DO 100%" thing. The " I AM A FAILURE"
Why do I do that. I don't know but I do! This world ask so much of us that we feel so inadequate and for us Fibro Suffers... we are failures. This is a tough world. Most don't believe us and so we are not just failure but lazy, crazy failures. LOL. That Sounds so silly and ridicules because I know I am not but just the fact that someone out there sees me that way makes it all go away and we focus on that one person who thinks the worse of us. I don't think it is not just Fibro suffers but all young girls especially all people who have experience some sort of abuse too. Boy I could go on and on. The question is what do we do about it. Well most just need a pep talk from friends, moms, dads or grandma but for us, Fibro suffers .....I'm sorry...I don't want to offend but we need professional help. I have decided that this is my next step. I need to find someone to help me deal. If you don't think that you need that or it would be a blow to our fight for recognition...I don't feel it would be. I know some of our opposers may say we are just a bunch of depressed people and we need to get over it. What I do know is what ever ignites this for us is not what matter but dealing with constant pain can mess with any ones head. We need to work through it.
I think most already might know this and I have known this but I have been fighting it. This I must give in and get my head straight. Here's to my next step. I pray I am led to the right person for me.
