This blog inspired by a friend on facebook, Dianne! She mentioned how she was sick and tired of being sick and tired. Boy, I thought how many times have I thought that, said that, felt that. Well.....every minute of every day.
Just yesterday, my family and I arrived home after a few days in Pismo Beach, CA. It was the best time we had as a family in a long time, we played board games, went to the movies(it was raining the 1st day). We went to the hotel pool, went on walks to on the beach, did some shopping, walked on the pier and of course bought some salt water taffy & ate claim chowder plus fish and chips. It was great. We even found a swing set on the beach and yes I was swinging with my kids. It was so much fun. It was freeing I felt young and full of life in that precious moment with my kids.
It used to be it and the days would continue the same. You know having fun but it didn't for me. by the time we returned back to the hotel the second day...I was exhausted. I was in flegger-hammer mode and I couldn't stop shaking. My kids even got scared and worried for me. Oh here we go, I ruined a perfectly good day. I took a shower and layed down. Well before I knew it I was out(cause of the meds) I thought take a nap then go back for dinner and yogurt with my family but when my husband got me up. I couldn't get up. The pain had dulled but my energy was gone. OK here comes the guilt. They went without me and the next day although still a little off I willed myself to get up and go on that last walk on the beach with my family before we left. I even drove us home half the way back but as soon as my husband took over I slept till we arrive home. I went to pick up my baby dog sissy from my sisters place and sat on the recliner. I didn't last one minute before I was out. Besides the occasional awake moments I had. I slept and at some point got up and went to bed with out saying a word to my family.
Guilt City Baby. Here I am up 3 in the am and thinking how I have ruined things. There was a moment yesterday where I was standing in the hotel looking at the floor and we packed to leave. My husband came up to me and hugged me and said thank you. I SAY for what I ruined everything. He asked how I did that. well I said by not joining you for dinner and the evening walk we had planned. He says " look you are here, me and the kids know you did alot and we are grateful for that. You smiled the entire time and to be together as a family was the most important thing. I say we had the best vacation and it was perfect".
My husband is my rock. I know that my Heavenly Father sent me this man for a reason. Most would have walked away. Believe it or not .....some people just can't handle the extra load. He works all day long yet comes home and helps we when he can. I think do I deserve this guy? He so deserves better. but he is always quick to say there is no one better than you for me. I know awesome right to have such a person in my life is a total blessing.
I know for all of us suffering. This may not be the case. I consider my self one of the lucky ones, that has the support of my family. I think If this kindness and love doesn't come from your significant other than go out and find it. Demand it from this person you share your life with. It shouldn't be that hard for the other person to do for you. My husband didn't come to me wrapped up in a pretty bow this way. I had to help him to see what was happening with me. It took him caring for his mother, who died of lung cancer, to realize the compassion and love he had within himself to give.
We sure didn't ask for this to happen to us and if we could we would just shut it off, but we can't so do we sit and wallow or to we adapt and move forward. I encourage all to adapt and move forward. Yes we will feel guilt, despair and that longing for relief....days will be there that we lay there in despair. Well its what we do with it that matters. Get that family support you know you need. Demand it. I had too.
I'll tell you why we need it for those days(sick & tired of being sick & tired). It OK we don't have to go at it alone. We can even get it from our fellow suffers but get it some where. It will make a deference trust me.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Sunday, October 24, 2010
I DON'T KNOW
I can already feel that I'm off today. I know exactly why. I did to much yesterday. If I didn't do than who would. I've tried to be encouraging to everyone but today up at 5 am with Fleggle from my head to my toes. I think I don't know.....like what this day will be like. I didn't listen to my limitations and I certainly don't know .....Meaning I know what I should do but does it work out that way. I've realized almost never.
From time to time what you should do like take it easy, know that some things will not get done and your family cooperates. That doesn't happen. Was I deluding myself?????? I don't think so...I think it nice to dream and sometimes dreams come true but in reality real life gets in the way. I'm a wife, mom and yes sufferer. Sometimes I want to give up just lay in bed and let my life pass me by but I can't. My husband and kids need me but most of all My Lord needs me. Yesterday happens where everything happened all at once.
We are going on vacation probably the only one till next summer and my daughter and son wined and just completely did not want to cooperate. I also had two things to go to last night and had to choose over the other. My house getting clean over came me. My husband works a schedule that doesn't allow him to see the kids soooo he managed to get 1 day off with his regular days off and says lets go somewhere. I miss you and the kids. How can I say no to that. There relationship with each other are so important. Then my kids.... They have gone through a lot in there lives, like loosing loved ones specifically they grandparents all but one my mom but the rest past away within 3 years time. They have coped and I know that they will over come but recently we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put down one of our pets. My daughter's cat "Jackson". He was only 2 1/2. He became ill suddenly and required hospitalization and still weren't sure that this condition would not return which means he would suffer and I am going to be honest the cost would be out of this world. We had the money now but no guarantee that he would be fine after this or that his problem wouldn't reoccur. So we put him down. We pulled them out of school and took them to the vets office to say good bye. I thought " How could I...I purposely cause my children pain. but my pour little kitty was suffering and I felt in my heart that he would not pull through. So they had a rough few days so, in order to keep life normal we made them go to school and attend anything that might come up friends, church or other wise. My daughter went to school pioneer day at the park she got all dressed up and for a moment I think she forgot. She is the type of person that doesn't want to talk about painful things. So if you happen to know her and see her please don't mention this she might not be ready to deal yet. My son just wanted to lock himself in his room and sulk. I let him for a little while even took both of them shopping for our beach trip. Then life had to continue. He had to write an essay. Yes I persisted and he got it done and he went to school the next day. Then made him go on a boy scout camp out. Then last night they both went with me to help at the fundraiser. They chose to go That one was theirs to decide. I was so proud. We help a fundraiser to help with our church humanitarian fund. Our young women and leaders had a babysitting night for couple to be able to have a night out and at the same time donate to a good cause. Well as it turned out only 2 families brought their kids and 2 girls showed up. Would I call it a success? Yes because even a little helps. Taking care of little ones is not easy and I had one who took to me. We had a moment where we went to the nursery and i rocked her and sang wow that felt good to have this precious creature in my arms allowing me to console her. We spent the evening playing and she would look at me with confidence and love. Made my day. I think My Heavenly Father know us moms are stretched thin, these day and mom like us that also suffer from fleggle-hammer had an even tougher job.
OK venting time over. I'm not giving up. "I DON'T KNOW " what tomorrow will bring nobody does. Let make the best of it or at least try. I prey peace be with you always.
Love
Monica
From time to time what you should do like take it easy, know that some things will not get done and your family cooperates. That doesn't happen. Was I deluding myself?????? I don't think so...I think it nice to dream and sometimes dreams come true but in reality real life gets in the way. I'm a wife, mom and yes sufferer. Sometimes I want to give up just lay in bed and let my life pass me by but I can't. My husband and kids need me but most of all My Lord needs me. Yesterday happens where everything happened all at once.
We are going on vacation probably the only one till next summer and my daughter and son wined and just completely did not want to cooperate. I also had two things to go to last night and had to choose over the other. My house getting clean over came me. My husband works a schedule that doesn't allow him to see the kids soooo he managed to get 1 day off with his regular days off and says lets go somewhere. I miss you and the kids. How can I say no to that. There relationship with each other are so important. Then my kids.... They have gone through a lot in there lives, like loosing loved ones specifically they grandparents all but one my mom but the rest past away within 3 years time. They have coped and I know that they will over come but recently we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put down one of our pets. My daughter's cat "Jackson". He was only 2 1/2. He became ill suddenly and required hospitalization and still weren't sure that this condition would not return which means he would suffer and I am going to be honest the cost would be out of this world. We had the money now but no guarantee that he would be fine after this or that his problem wouldn't reoccur. So we put him down. We pulled them out of school and took them to the vets office to say good bye. I thought " How could I...I purposely cause my children pain. but my pour little kitty was suffering and I felt in my heart that he would not pull through. So they had a rough few days so, in order to keep life normal we made them go to school and attend anything that might come up friends, church or other wise. My daughter went to school pioneer day at the park she got all dressed up and for a moment I think she forgot. She is the type of person that doesn't want to talk about painful things. So if you happen to know her and see her please don't mention this she might not be ready to deal yet. My son just wanted to lock himself in his room and sulk. I let him for a little while even took both of them shopping for our beach trip. Then life had to continue. He had to write an essay. Yes I persisted and he got it done and he went to school the next day. Then made him go on a boy scout camp out. Then last night they both went with me to help at the fundraiser. They chose to go That one was theirs to decide. I was so proud. We help a fundraiser to help with our church humanitarian fund. Our young women and leaders had a babysitting night for couple to be able to have a night out and at the same time donate to a good cause. Well as it turned out only 2 families brought their kids and 2 girls showed up. Would I call it a success? Yes because even a little helps. Taking care of little ones is not easy and I had one who took to me. We had a moment where we went to the nursery and i rocked her and sang wow that felt good to have this precious creature in my arms allowing me to console her. We spent the evening playing and she would look at me with confidence and love. Made my day. I think My Heavenly Father know us moms are stretched thin, these day and mom like us that also suffer from fleggle-hammer had an even tougher job.
OK venting time over. I'm not giving up. "I DON'T KNOW " what tomorrow will bring nobody does. Let make the best of it or at least try. I prey peace be with you always.
Love
Monica
Thursday, October 21, 2010
CHILDREN
Fleggle-hammer and children. How can we juggle then at the same time..uuuuuuhhhhhhh I don't know! How do we ? How do you?
I think about my kids. They are my world what I wouldn't do for them or the question should be, what could I do for them that minute of that day. My children have had to grow up probably a little faster than most. You know learning how to do the basics like clean, laundry, food. They for the most part can do it all. I didn't want them growing up early. I sometimes hate myself for that. I had to grow up to early. Enjoy there childhood is what I wanted....They have gone through so mush in there lives....like loosing loved ones and having mom move them clear across the state only to move them back. They have had to hear "no we cannot afford that." I want to give them the world and be there best friend. BBBUUUTTT would I be raising good , productive, honest, hard working and confident individuals with goals and dreams. People that will be able to take on that tough world. I don't think so. I would have to say no regrets there. It's a bad bad world out there and most kids don't know work ethic or even how to take care of there basic needs.
Most people would probably think neglect or something along those lines but I will tell you something. Good or bad days...I am always there for them. Even if I'm laying in bed or on my recliner shifting around because I can't get comfortable, with things like Homework. I stop and work it out with them. I drag my self to sit in the hot sun to watch them play there sports and chauffeur them to piano and school activities. Yes sometimes its Dad, Yes sometimes I ask can you get a ride but I make the effort. One day there was so much to do school, gym, dr. appts, game, church activity and pick up that last minute thing that they always forget to tell you until the last minute. I grabbed an energy Rockstar drink. Now in our faith with stay away from addictive type of things....coffee, tea, alcohol, drug, etc. well my son sees this and asked why are you drinking this. I say so I can do all I have to do today and still make your game. Well those thing have caffeine, tea which are things I should stay away from and I say " Son I have too, my meds make me tired and I want to be there for you". He says mom I rather you miss my game and rest then drink that crap." Wow he was the parent. I got my lecture. I haven't had one since.
I put myself down all the time for the negative affects this illness has on my children but I believe....Things happen for a reason. My kids are great kids. They can handle most anything and are always there to even help mom. That is showing them compassion, understanding and learning to serve there fellow man...
What I am trying to get at is that kids can learn from this as much as you do and will come out better on the other end for it. I truly believe that with all my heart and soul. Maybe one of our kids will figure out a cure for this thing one day. Who knows...The possibilities are endless.
I think about my kids. They are my world what I wouldn't do for them or the question should be, what could I do for them that minute of that day. My children have had to grow up probably a little faster than most. You know learning how to do the basics like clean, laundry, food. They for the most part can do it all. I didn't want them growing up early. I sometimes hate myself for that. I had to grow up to early. Enjoy there childhood is what I wanted....They have gone through so mush in there lives....like loosing loved ones and having mom move them clear across the state only to move them back. They have had to hear "no we cannot afford that." I want to give them the world and be there best friend. BBBUUUTTT would I be raising good , productive, honest, hard working and confident individuals with goals and dreams. People that will be able to take on that tough world. I don't think so. I would have to say no regrets there. It's a bad bad world out there and most kids don't know work ethic or even how to take care of there basic needs.
Most people would probably think neglect or something along those lines but I will tell you something. Good or bad days...I am always there for them. Even if I'm laying in bed or on my recliner shifting around because I can't get comfortable, with things like Homework. I stop and work it out with them. I drag my self to sit in the hot sun to watch them play there sports and chauffeur them to piano and school activities. Yes sometimes its Dad, Yes sometimes I ask can you get a ride but I make the effort. One day there was so much to do school, gym, dr. appts, game, church activity and pick up that last minute thing that they always forget to tell you until the last minute. I grabbed an energy Rockstar drink. Now in our faith with stay away from addictive type of things....coffee, tea, alcohol, drug, etc. well my son sees this and asked why are you drinking this. I say so I can do all I have to do today and still make your game. Well those thing have caffeine, tea which are things I should stay away from and I say " Son I have too, my meds make me tired and I want to be there for you". He says mom I rather you miss my game and rest then drink that crap." Wow he was the parent. I got my lecture. I haven't had one since.
I put myself down all the time for the negative affects this illness has on my children but I believe....Things happen for a reason. My kids are great kids. They can handle most anything and are always there to even help mom. That is showing them compassion, understanding and learning to serve there fellow man...
What I am trying to get at is that kids can learn from this as much as you do and will come out better on the other end for it. I truly believe that with all my heart and soul. Maybe one of our kids will figure out a cure for this thing one day. Who knows...The possibilities are endless.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
GOOD DAYS
I know the day isn't over but since about 9 last night. I feel free- good- amazing. What changesd I realized the disagreements I had were over. Whether the other parties felt that way or not. I found the answers I was seeking for my peace of mind. Believe it or not it started out with a Migraine and feeling lower than I had in a long time. Ya crazy huh. My last post was about limitations and not being a failure because all you wanted to accomplish in your day, was not done due to pain, migraines, or fatigue. I considered deleting my facebook account. That did not go well with some of my family and friend. They rooted for me to stay to continue posting and blogging. One person said God was using me to speak and give comfort to people out there. I thought wow is she talking about me?.....no no no not me can't be but she was. I don't pretend to know everything about fibromyalsia but I do just say what I am feeling and if I even help one person I have accomplish my purpose with writing this blog. I can take compliments. It's OK. Doesn't mean you are "stuck up" if you do. Compliments make the worst days the best days. I went to bed. After making a last ditch effort to get through to this person. I told her about myself through some conversations I had with another family member. Where I bore a very personal thing that occurred in my life. She suggested I tell this person. Then she might understand my fight and determination and why I do the thing I do. I haven't got a response since but that's OK. My husband came home and as I lay half asleep I felt him stoke my face. He loves me, He really loves me I thought. I got up migraine resuming but got the kids up and said "I trust you guys to get ready" and I went to lay down. Next thing I know my husband says. I taking the kids to school. WOW!. I slept and rest of the morning woken up to my visiting teacher from church. She the person assigned to me to check in on me every once in a while maybe even bring me a word of God but she just listened as I told her about everything and she was courteous, kind and thoughtful. Never judging me and always very in tune with me. That why I love my Lord. He thinks of everything. Felt relief there to unload face to face with someone. Awesome. I picked up my kids, piano was cancelled and nothing else to do today except take all our church teenager to a scary corn maze and pumpkin patch. I always have fun with my Young Women and Men. They emanate youth and I will need that tonight.
So was It a good day? What do you think? I think a resounding YES! Peace, love, understanding, and being grateful for the little things...the small blessing. I was getting low wanting to give it all up and just hide in my room but even then someone...Everyone did not allow that to happen.
Don't be afraid to lean on those in your lives or the ones that cross your path. Seek help, find peace where you thought none could be found. Even the littlest things makes it worth it.
So was It a good day? What do you think? I think a resounding YES! Peace, love, understanding, and being grateful for the little things...the small blessing. I was getting low wanting to give it all up and just hide in my room but even then someone...Everyone did not allow that to happen.
Don't be afraid to lean on those in your lives or the ones that cross your path. Seek help, find peace where you thought none could be found. Even the littlest things makes it worth it.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
LIMITATIONS
So I am up! Woken up by the usual fleggle-hammer. I do my usual until my meds kick in. I check my email, facebook and now blog messages. I begin to realize how my evening went last night. I didn't eat dinner. I fell asleep telling my husband I'm sorry. As of late I have been out spoken of 2 very big things in my life. Things that touch me to the core. One is my Fleggle-hammer the other Is my Father. Which both of them have been under attack. I have voiced my opinions and concerns my bluntness and honestly and in turn surprised people in my lives that probably didn't think I had it in me. I guess I expected adult type responses and an agreement of disagreements but it was not so. The more I spoke the more people seem to come at me with double the force than the last time. Which brought up my last topic of venting. I still believe all I said but sometimes its just as affective to realize.... There is only so much we can do. The Following is a copy of my Facebook post from this Morning:
"
"
is thinking of everything that has been said in the last few days. I feel like I'm fighting some great battle to save the Universe. Like in one of those Sci-Fi movies But the truth is its not worth the argument. I have surprised a lot of people with my opinions and how I have been outspoken. I just really believe in the messages I want to send out. I want those people out there to know that although it seems that I am being unreasonable, I do respect your side of things I do. It wouldn't be fair for me not to. I just wanted to say that I will say no more. it's literally stressing me to the point its is affecting me physically and that in turn affect my family. They are more important to me than any opinion or cause. Stress triggers it the fleggle-hammer aka pain. I am no good to my family if I debilitated So before it gets that far..........Sorry for any hurt feeling. Truth is I truly love all those in my life past present and future. "
I then think of the past few years. How I realized that I have limitations. Things I could do before that I can't now. I have been humbled. I used to keep my house spotless, now I'm lucky to keep it looking decent. I've traded a paying job for a job focusing on my relationships children and my husband. I spend more time with my church and calling as Young Woman's secretary. I have realized dinner can come and be made by more than one person in my family left over night happens a lot in my home. So do I sit and linger on the fact that I am far from being super mom.(IF SUCH A MOM EVEN EXISTS) I'm good with just being mom and wife. I realized my relationships with my husband and kids is mush more important that anything else.
So how do I accomplish this....Yes you guessed it....by knowing my limitations, not hitting my triggers and just walking away from the fight. Oh don't get me wrong I will not stop blogging but the battles I face with other people right now I must walk away from for the sake of mine and my families sanity.
Keeping peace in my life is today's issue's. Who knows what tomorrow will bring but all I know is trying my hardest, I will. Continue to bring peace to you all and myself. I'm sure going to try.
Remember everyone Limitations do not mean failure. It just means you were strong enough to put your priorities in check.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Venting
To vent or not to vent that is the question. I think its up to all of us. We put ourselves out there everytime we do. We can hurt feeling or we can get our feelings hurt. So what take the risk. Put yourselves out there my fellow fleggle-hammers. Have courage be strong. Share. Don't keep what you have a secret......no no secrets means something is wrong or implies it. I say use your gut find the lords spirit within you to share yourself and your illness. He will tell you when the time is right and boy is he yelling at me right now.
A wonderful day I had. My husbands day off. We ran our errands had our weekly lunch date at McDonalds. All along feeling great but sure fire fleggles creep in but I continue with my day, find a seat sure enough and say its time for medication. Do I wallow for the fact that I make us stop what we are doing to get me feeling better....no we continue on. It a part of our lives. Thinking this day of coming and goings were sure to end in an evening in bed but they didn't. Well they did but not because of my fleggle-hammer because of personal struggles. People I might have hurt recently. I will say no more with that except I vented I was hurt I confronted that person....sooo hence the topic of today but it was enough that stress kicked in. That is one of my triggers. I hope to have more for you tomorrow.
May the lord give you peace in your body and our crazy but not so crazy minds.
A wonderful day I had. My husbands day off. We ran our errands had our weekly lunch date at McDonalds. All along feeling great but sure fire fleggles creep in but I continue with my day, find a seat sure enough and say its time for medication. Do I wallow for the fact that I make us stop what we are doing to get me feeling better....no we continue on. It a part of our lives. Thinking this day of coming and goings were sure to end in an evening in bed but they didn't. Well they did but not because of my fleggle-hammer because of personal struggles. People I might have hurt recently. I will say no more with that except I vented I was hurt I confronted that person....sooo hence the topic of today but it was enough that stress kicked in. That is one of my triggers. I hope to have more for you tomorrow.
May the lord give you peace in your body and our crazy but not so crazy minds.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
I BEGIN TO HEAL
What is Fleggle-Hammer? Fleggle-Hammer means "pain". I give this credit to my best friend Katie. I Facebook. I was up early, as usual, and took my meds waiting for meds to kick in, so I post, I am tired of saying the word "pain" I need a made up word. My Friend suggested this silly name that means nothing. I loved it. So when I say it I smile and laugh because of how silly it sounds. Trying to turn a negative to a positive. So that is the short history of "FLEGGLE-HAMMER".
I am Monica. I'm 35 years old. I suffers from fibromyalsia. In other words they don't know whats wrong with me. It all started April of 2007. Thought I had the flu. Never went away. Fleggle-hammer intensified and became unbearable. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I couldn't even get out of bed. Luckily I was a stay-at-home mom. Unluckily I was a stay-at-home mom. After many doctors, tests, and meds(that made me gain 65 lbs), My family moved. It's 2 years later.
We moved back to our place of birth so I returned to my doctor that we loved. I end up seeing his daughter. She is so young....but she knows her stuff. She finally diagnosed me. She listened to me. We found a new drug "Savella". It seams to be working along with other meds I take and I can live my life pretty mush interrupted. Just at a slower pace. I even started going to the gym and in the last year have lost a total of 37 lbs.
So why am I am blogging now after 3 1/2 years of pain. I had an interesting encounter with a person who suffers from arthritis. This person has suffered since he/she was a teenager. He/she is in her/his forties now. This person apparently was tired of reading my post about my bout with fleggle-hammer. In there opinion I should suck it up and forget about it. I will get nothing from sharing this Fleggle-hammer. I will just get people tired of me and loose my friends. Well as you can probably assume I lost this friend/family member. I thought "NO!" I will not stop. This is what is on my mind. This is what is always on my mind. I clean with this on my mind. I make dinner this is on my mind. I take my kids to school it is on my mind.....well you get it. I know talking about it will not cure my illness. I figure mind over matter..I talk about it...my mind deals and if I blog it...I may help some people out while helping my self out too.
My hope is just that hope. Hope for a test that solidifies the illness and a hope for a cure. My hope mostly lies with the people around us. I want them to acknowledge it. I want people to know that there is not this mass hysteria of people making up this fleggle-hammer. It is very real for those who suffer from it.
My day today good. See improvement. Had some fleggle's here and there but not enough to stop me. As I type my ring finger on my left hand is fleggling. So I consider it a good day.
I am a person of faith. So I end with a prayer for anyone who reads this. Anyone who suffers as I do. I pray that we will find peace.
I am Monica. I'm 35 years old. I suffers from fibromyalsia. In other words they don't know whats wrong with me. It all started April of 2007. Thought I had the flu. Never went away. Fleggle-hammer intensified and became unbearable. I didn't sleep. I didn't eat. I couldn't even get out of bed. Luckily I was a stay-at-home mom. Unluckily I was a stay-at-home mom. After many doctors, tests, and meds(that made me gain 65 lbs), My family moved. It's 2 years later.
We moved back to our place of birth so I returned to my doctor that we loved. I end up seeing his daughter. She is so young....but she knows her stuff. She finally diagnosed me. She listened to me. We found a new drug "Savella". It seams to be working along with other meds I take and I can live my life pretty mush interrupted. Just at a slower pace. I even started going to the gym and in the last year have lost a total of 37 lbs.
So why am I am blogging now after 3 1/2 years of pain. I had an interesting encounter with a person who suffers from arthritis. This person has suffered since he/she was a teenager. He/she is in her/his forties now. This person apparently was tired of reading my post about my bout with fleggle-hammer. In there opinion I should suck it up and forget about it. I will get nothing from sharing this Fleggle-hammer. I will just get people tired of me and loose my friends. Well as you can probably assume I lost this friend/family member. I thought "NO!" I will not stop. This is what is on my mind. This is what is always on my mind. I clean with this on my mind. I make dinner this is on my mind. I take my kids to school it is on my mind.....well you get it. I know talking about it will not cure my illness. I figure mind over matter..I talk about it...my mind deals and if I blog it...I may help some people out while helping my self out too.
My hope is just that hope. Hope for a test that solidifies the illness and a hope for a cure. My hope mostly lies with the people around us. I want them to acknowledge it. I want people to know that there is not this mass hysteria of people making up this fleggle-hammer. It is very real for those who suffer from it.
My day today good. See improvement. Had some fleggle's here and there but not enough to stop me. As I type my ring finger on my left hand is fleggling. So I consider it a good day.
I am a person of faith. So I end with a prayer for anyone who reads this. Anyone who suffers as I do. I pray that we will find peace.
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