Beating Myself

Oh this is a tough one to write. I have realized something that I have been doing to myself making my situation worse, making my suffering harder. What am I talking about......

Let me start at the beginning. I have always been my own worse critic, the one to beats myself up when I make a mistake or forget to do something. I think stupid stupid stupid. I should haves all day long. I don't make mistakes... I can't make mistakes! How unrealistic does that sound? VERY! I didn't even realize I was doing that and how crazy it all was to expect nothing but perfection. So................

When I began to have symptoms and all the things I used to do to be that Super Mom had to be put to the side. I began the beating. I had nothing but time to think. I would think I was inadequate. I was not good enough to be valued or loved because I wasn't doing my part. In a sense pulling my weight.

I have been stricken with something that can't be explained and continues to remind me of it's presence. I have made it worse the illness has been hitting me physically but I have been hitting myself psychotically and emotionally.  This is not my fault. This is not a sin. I am not making a mistake. It just happened.

OK! IT IS OK! I AM OK! I feel like the weight of the world has been lifted. It is time to reteach my mind. I am perfect the way I am. I do what I can...as much as I can & that is OK...that is down right fabulous. I will learn that the positive is the best medicine. The most important thing I will relearn is the love that my Lord Jesus Christ has for me....he WILL make up the rest.