Trying when I probably shouldn't have. That is what I have been doing for the past 2 weeks. Halloween and everything that comes with that, getting some time to myself and getting to some of my housework. Well I'm paying for it now. I even flacked on my calling in church was suppose to help with a special event .....well I didn't even do an 1/8 of what I should have done. There is guilt with that because I left it all for my friend to do, but I showed up.
Day 3 full of fleggle-hammer. Not only that but my husband is very sick, strep throat and possibly bronchitis. Today I woke up to my ears hurting and a sore throat. I think "What was I thinking. " I knew this would happen but yet again I was wishing it wouldn't. I thought maybe not this time. I can do it ALL and be ok after. I can't stop living my life put it on hold for myself or my family. Well here I am and it's on hold. My kids are older so they kinda have a life now or can easily take care of themselves. My son is gone at a boy scouting event and my daughter is here but she is ten she reads, watches tv, gets her own food, and can play games. She hasn't bothered me one bit. My husband snoring next to me and I envy him. He is having a moment of rest. My son is having a good time, he will be going to a friends house after words and my girl she never complains and is perfectly content, she is a home body.
I just don't want to be in pain. I want to take this time and play a game with my daughter ...I want to tend to my husband better but I can't....even finish the laundry but I can't. My whole left side is on fire. I'm so tired........
Yes this is a bad day. Regret I have but as I think about how can I regret the good time my kids have had. The little housework that got done. The time I took to visit a friend along with my getaway. I can not regret any of that. I am thankful for it.
I want to say that this pain is my punishment but I did nothing wrong so that can't be right. All I did was try ....I try everyday to do the best, the most with what I have to deal with........ I'm just don't know how long I can keep going like this...
God is my stength he will when I have no more to give I have to believe that. He is all I have. Faith is a powerful thing. Just when I have no more he will help me to find that little more.
So why try. well for me its my God and my family .....Whats yours?
No comments:
Post a Comment