NO MATTER....LIFE GOES ON

I have been contemplating what my next topic would be about and it finally came to me."No Matter... Life Goes" as we went through the many events for Halloween. I realized I couldn't stop it. I wanted too. I did, in all honesty because I knew I would end up in bed all day like I am today. Flegger-hammer never really going away and napping my day away, mean while my kids went to school, did their homework, and are now eating candy before dinner. Sure a normal day after Halloween. Life continues my participation isn't always there. They have dad home today though. He picked them up he is "kinda" making sure they are doing what they are suppose to be doing but not like I would.  I can't complain though... I really don't have any choice right now. Even typing this new post hurts right now. Yesterday I couldn't even sit through church completely because the pain was so intense then I and Sippy our YW prez, we went to visit the girls that don't show up on Sundays. We wanted to make sure they new we were still thinking of them and we care. It's true. I never thought serving in my church & people around me could be so rewarding. Sippy new I was in pain but I assured her that no matter where I would be, whether I was home or in a car with her. Just seeing these girls made it worth it. Life goes on. I spend the morning sleeping but I wasn't alone I was with my husband we spent the morning snuggled and peacefully sleeping. When we awoke and he new I didn't feel well today he already new it was all him.  Life wasn't going to stop just for me.  Oh and Saturday I got a call from our visiting teacher coordinator. She finds out if we visited our assigned women and wants to know how these women are doing.......Well I didn't do it........& I haven't for oooohhhhh 3 to 4 months. I understand that this is important and it's God's will it is on my priority list except I never get to it.  I became irritated with this person and I told her so. She had no idea why...she said at one point if I just had a little more faith.....Well that was it .... cause if anything else that is all I have. It's what keeps me going. I have had more faith and love for my Lord now than I have in my whole life so for her to say if I just had a little more, upset me.   Long story short she apologized, I realized I had to tell her what going on with me and so she is recommending that I not have this calling right now. Life goes on. These women need to be able to depend on me but I just can't right now, it is tooo much. Soo I agreed take me off and assign them to another person. Their lives go on.

I am figuring this out....OK sure I know this, the sun comes up, the day turns to night,  people live, people die,  people are capable of so much love but yet capable of horrible  horrific things. People also believe us and there are people that also don't.  Some people's lives are blessed again and again but some suffer tragedy at every turn. This world is not perfect wasn't meant to be. We must be tempted , tested , grow, make mistakes and succeed. It's why we are here. What are we made of? What are you made of? What am I made of? All the while lives and the days continue. 

Soo, can I stop the holidays from coming, stop the traditions we are accustomed too. Can i stop my kids from growing up, activities and dreams. All because it means more for me to do and means a sure fire day in bed from time to time. NOO! Life goes on. My kids need it. I need it. Otherwise I will shrivel up in this bed. Yes it's worth the occasional days in bed. It may always be this way or it may not. Dr's may figure this out and it will be a distant memory.

I am guilty of having so many regrets...of being so hard on myself for those days in pain or when I make mistakes. I hear my family, my friends say don't worry it's OK but I still feel bad. I know I'm to hard on myself. I know this is beyond my control but most importantly I am realizing something that everything happens for a reason. This will be what tests me. I will be a better mom, wife, daughter, friend and person because of this. I can already feel it. I have people mentioning the difference in me.  SO MY LIFE GOES ON! It may not be like most but it's whats right for me and my awesome family.  Do I want to be "normal". I  say naaaaaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyy! Life is more interesting this way.

This may be new for some of you readers or something you done and gone through but I encourage all to find your niche,  use your strengths and work on your weaknesses. Why do I say encourage this, yes you guessed it,  NO MATTER...LIFE GOES ON!