I DON'T KNOW

I can already feel that I'm off today. I know exactly why. I did to much yesterday. If I didn't do than who would. I've tried to be encouraging to everyone but today up at 5 am with Fleggle from my head to my toes. I think I don't know.....like what this day will be like. I didn't listen to my limitations and I certainly  don't know .....Meaning I know what I should do but does it work out that way. I've realized almost never.

From time to time what you should do like take it easy, know that some things will not get done and your family cooperates. That doesn't happen. Was I deluding myself?????? I don't think so...I think it nice to dream and sometimes dreams come true but in reality real life gets in the way. I'm a wife, mom and yes sufferer. Sometimes I want to give up just lay in bed and let my life pass me by but I can't. My husband and kids need me but most of all My Lord needs me. Yesterday happens where everything happened all at once.

We are going on vacation probably the only one till next summer and my daughter and son wined and just completely did not want to cooperate. I also had two things to go to last night and had to choose over the other. My house getting clean over came me. My husband works a schedule that doesn't allow him to see the kids soooo he managed to get 1 day off with his regular days off and says lets go somewhere. I miss you and the kids. How can I say no to that. There relationship with each other are so important. Then my kids.... They have gone through a lot in there lives, like loosing loved ones specifically they grandparents all but one my mom but the rest past away within 3 years time. They have coped and I know that they will over come but recently we had to make the heartbreaking decision to put down one of our pets. My daughter's cat "Jackson". He was only 2 1/2. He became ill suddenly and required hospitalization and still weren't sure that this condition would not return which means he would suffer and I am going to be honest the cost would be out of this world. We had the money now but no guarantee that he would be fine after this or that his problem wouldn't reoccur. So we put him down. We pulled them out of school and took them to the vets office to say good bye. I thought " How could I...I purposely cause my children pain. but my pour little kitty was suffering and I felt in my heart that he would not pull through. So they had a rough few days so, in order to keep life normal we made them go to school and attend anything that might come up friends, church or other wise. My daughter went to school pioneer day at the park she got all dressed up and for a moment I think she forgot. She is the type of person that doesn't want to talk about painful things. So if you happen to know her and see her please don't mention this she might not be ready to deal yet. My son just wanted to lock himself in his room and sulk. I let him for a little while even took both of them shopping for our beach trip. Then life had to continue. He had to write an essay. Yes I persisted and he got it done and he went to school the next day. Then made him go on a boy scout camp out. Then last night they both went with me to help at the fundraiser. They chose to go That one was theirs to decide. I was so proud. We help a fundraiser to help with our church humanitarian fund. Our young women and leaders had a babysitting night for couple to be able to have a night out and at the same time donate to a good cause. Well as it turned out only 2 families brought their kids and 2 girls showed up. Would I call it a success? Yes because even a little helps. Taking care of little ones is not easy and I had one who took to me. We had a moment where we went  to the nursery and i rocked her and sang wow that felt good to have this precious creature in my arms allowing me to console her. We spent the evening playing and she would look at me with confidence and love. Made my day. I think My Heavenly Father know us moms are stretched thin, these day and mom like us that also suffer from fleggle-hammer had an even tougher job.

OK venting time over. I'm not giving up. "I DON'T KNOW " what tomorrow will bring nobody does. Let make the best of it or at least try. I prey peace be with you always.

Love
Monica